fear.

Fear makes your life stagnant.
stop thinking about the negative "what if"s, start thinking about the positive "what if"s.

fear sucks man.it stops u from improving, it stops you from doing many things u should be doing to be who u want to be.it frustrates u after u dont achieve things you want..

met many old friends today when i went back for alumni practice.. some who i prospected before, some who i haven't. i just feel different and more mature than many of them.. the people who i hung out with, some of the people who hurt me in the past, some ppl who.. i don't know. brought me back many memories. it's been 2 years since i stepped down from being a student conductor. and i realised i can link it to the business.. when mark was conducting the band today, i suddenly realised the beauty of being a leader, the beauty of being in control, the beauty of mass presentation.. and it is so true that only the people with the heart, (not only skill) can do the job well and with their 100%. if there's no heart to help the band improve and put up a good performance for the band, there's no point conducting and the job will not be well done. it's the same as if there's no heart to help your guys or other ppl's guys close appointments and achieve things together, there's no point doing bcos it wouldn't be 100%..

when mark was conducting, it brought me back many memories. it's been ages since i saw that harmony director that beeps the beat damn loudly.haha.and ages since i've used that keyboardy thing to tune the band.. as i was listening to the band sight reading, i was correcting many parts in my head, i was thinking in the point of view where i was the person in front guiding the band, wht i would say, what i would do. and i realised that the past years of me being a student conductor, i was really focused on the technicals and the skills, and forgot to look at things as a whole, how i want the piece to be like as a feeling, as a story, or even a scene, instead of which part to be louder/softer or shorter/longer or faster/slower.. i could've done it much better, after learning much from the biz. mark did a good job with that. he was talking about making the piece more impactful, more alive. and about musicianship. those are the things i was trying to express in the past, and don't know how to.cos it's just a feeling that i couldn't describe in words.

well, leng is not coming again next week, and edwin asked me to take the band next week. my reaction was then again, fear. and a straight "huh?? why me? nono~" when in my heart, i really want it.i want to relive those times, but im just (again) scared to do it, scared of failure, scared how people will think of me, scared. argh. this fear thing is driving me crazy, and is limiting me so much.not only in this situation, but in the biz as well. i was glad that i went past that fear in me in j1 and went for the SC auditions, or i wouldn't even have that experience, and as a result i grew from there..

fear is a damn stupid obstacle that stops manymany people.and not many can overcome this. i believe many people end up not doing the biz because of fear.and because of fear, it robbed them of an awesome opportunity, it robbed them of a chance to grow, a chance to learn, a chance to earn and think successfully. it's the first step, but just one step of overcoming that fear (c'mon it's a small fear of losing $2k plus), it can give u that load of experience. that family of positive people who know what they want.. i'm glad i did overcome that fear.

fear appears everywhere in our lives. we need to fight of those things. we need to move on. we need to upgrade. we need to be out of our comfort zone..